The Pressure of Going Naked

A couple of years ago, we’ve been front row spectators of one of the saddest scenes that we ever encountered on our naturist travels, and we’ve seen quite a lot. Remember, we’ve been to Cap d’Agde once. This had nothing to do with sex though. We were lazing away in the sun beds of a very genuine naturist resort and in the corner of our eye, we saw a new couple arriving from the reception desk.

 

They walked towards us, but after a couple of steps, they made a sudden stop. A smile appeared on the guy’s face. The dark-skinned face of the woman, on the other hand, turned bright white. She turned her eyes away and started marching towards the bungalow that had been appointed to them. This would be the first and the last time that we saw her for the whole week that the couple had booked at the resort. Apparently, the husband had come up with the marvelous idea to book a vacation at a naturist resort and not telling his wife about the plan. “Surprise, honey!”.

Going naked for the first time is a big deal

Maybe that man had read one of our blog posts where we say that “going naked for the first time is like a jump into cold water. You just need to go for it”. But this wasn’t what we meant. Going naked among strangers is most of all a step out of your comfort zone, something you need to mentally prepare for and certainly not something you want to have forced upon you.

 

When something uncomfortable happens to us, our instincts tell us to hide. To cover up. This was also one of our own biggest fears when we went to a naturist venue for the first time. All the possible scenarios raced through our heads. What if everyone looks at us? What if everyone is having sex with each other? What if we do something wrong? What if we do something stupid? Daunting thoughts on themselves, but multiplied by knowing that if those things would happen, we would be standing there in our most vulnerable state. Butt naked, with our clothes locked up. There would be nowhere to hide. No way to cover up.

The reluctant spouse

Did the guy from the introduction already talk to his partner about wanting to try naturism and did she say no? Or did he mention nothing at all about his desires and just took her to the resort? We don’t know. In any case, it was pretty certain that this was not what she had expected from her vacation and that she was quite reluctant to give it a try. Reluctant partners are common in naturism and we receive many messages, mostly from men, about how to convince their partner to start going naked.

 

One of the main struggles is exactly what we felt during our first naturist experience. The fear that they might like to cover up at a certain point, but won’t have the chance. This is a reason why naturist resorts can seem so scary. To us, the large resorts are specifically appealing because we will get the chance to do many things without clothes. Other than swimming and sunbathing, at those places we can do sports, go to the shop and have dinner in a restaurant naked. We can wander around for hours naked and meet lots of bare others along the way. But to many aspiring naturists, it’s an all but pleasant thought that they WILL HAVE to do all those things naked.

 

This may sound like an unjust judgment. With the uprise of the sarong, we all know that you can easily cover up if doing yoga or grocery shopping naked is that one step too far out of your comfort zone. But that solves just one part of the problem. In many cases, the pressure doesn’t come from the resort rules, but from the partner. The partner who does want to dine nude and go for a naked hike. The partner who, often without realizing, creates the uncomfortable pressure to go naked when you don’t really want to.

Each at their own pace

This is one of the reasons why we started to embrace the clothing-optional idea. Not for ourselves. When we are naked, we also feel that there’s a better balance if everyone else is naked too. But we also realize that more people would eventually get to enjoy social nudity if it wasn’t forced upon them. This is something we specifically notice a lot at clothing-optional beaches. Just because there’s no pressure, it’s much easier to give skinny dipping or nude sunbathing a try. There’s always an easy way back.

 

And as naturists, we know that going back rarely happens. Once you’ve enjoyed social nudity in a safe and comfortable place, you’re very likely to do it again. And again. If the guy from the introduction had taken his wife to a clothing-optional beach instead and didn’t pressure her to go full monty from the first moment, eventually she may have given it a shot. Or maybe not. But she most certainly wouldn’t have to lock herself up in a bungalow at a tropical naturist domain for a week.

 

PICTURE CREDIT: Cover image by Neto Soares

 
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23 thoughts on “The Pressure of Going Naked”

  1. My wife is not a naturist and, you know what? It’s not a big deal. I go to my clothing optional resort when she’s at work or doing something I don’t care to do. She also doesn’t like baseball so, you know what? I go to baseball games when she’s at work or doing something I don’t care to do.

    It’s not hard. We are all different individuals with different interests.

    I will say that I am lucky that she understands naturism is not about sex and trusts me to be at a beach or resort on my own.

    Reply
    • Is your wife interested in learning more about naturism or in hearing about the female perspective? The reason why we ask is that we are working on a new project about women in naturism. This will obviously be mostly something Lins will do. If we would create blog posts, videos, or even live chats about naturism for women, is that something your wife would be interested in?

      Reply
  2. My wife is also not a naturist but has accompanied me to clothing optional beaches in the UK where I can enjoy being naked but she can remain clothed.
    She is uncomfortable being amongst naked people on the beach but I think it was because the times that we have been it was mainly naked males on the beach.
    More females and families would make her more comfortable and if it was mainly naked people there she may decide to get naked too.
    Here’s hoping she will strip off on our next trip to a clothing optional beach.

    Reply
      • That would be too much of a shock for her. I’ll settle for clothing optional beaches. If she doesn’t want to get naked it’s no big deal. I would just like her to be comfortable amongst naked people and be comfortable with her own body. As long as she comes to the beaches with me that’s fine.

        Reply
    • Is your wife interested in learning more about naturism or in hearing about the female perspective, maybe in having another woman to talk to about naturism? The reason why we ask is that we are working on a new project about women in naturism. This will obviously be mostly something Lins will do. If we would create blog posts, videos, or even live chats about naturism for women, is that something your wife would be interested in?

      Reply
  3. I’ve never been nude in a public setting with other people around but would consider it BECAUSE I like being naked.

    I would propose to those commenting and reading here that getting comfortable or having more women and children around could possibly make the deciding difference. If you don’t have the initial desire to some degree to be sans clothes I don’t think you can be gradually weaned into it or that your partner should expect that.

    It’s like accepting God into your life. It won’t happen unless at some point you want it. No amount of other’s coming-to-Jesus moments will affect you or your desire until that very moment you choose.

    You’re either ready and want to be naked or you don’t.

    Reply
  4. Ill never forget my first time at Turtle Lake, MI, USA. I had met a female friend who said I needed her to get me in (to balance the numbers, m/f) and she would help me get comfortable (which wasnt a prpoblem), but also all the etiquit issues like: 1. always bring a small towl to sit on (for ovious reason), 2. if you get a “woody” go take a cold shower, or fix it privately, 3. Look all you want but NEVER too long, and dont stare (probably the hardest thing to get used to), that mistake almost got me thrown out. But I never forgot it…sure they’re beautiful nude, but dont make anyone uncomfortable. So I learned to ask permission to stare….which the women really liked…its a complement. Just 3 things to remember, OOO and make SURE your girlfriend KNOWS she will be nude before you take her there…LOL

    Reply
  5. Like others my wife is not a naturist. A few years ago I booked a holiday in Gran Canaria knowing that there was a nude beach close by. While we were there we saw the sign for the nude beach, and I asked if she would like to go along and give it a try. Her no was pretty emphatic, in fact she wouldn’t even look that way despite us still being something like 1,000 meters it, so I never asked again, but we did agree I could go along on my own. I’d never have just turned up at the beach with her.

    The following year she suggested trying the walk from Playa del Ingles to Maspalomas, which many tourists do (clothed). I knew she knew about the nude beach between the two, but she was comfortable with that.

    Years later she’s no closer to wanting to try it out for herself. If someday she decides she does want to try it that’d be great. If she never wants to give it a try then that’s great too. It’s up to her.

    Reply
    • My wife (the non-naturist) and I have a holiday booked to Gran Canaria this year.
      She knows about the nude beach. I hope she spends some time with me there (provided we can travel this year).
      She’s accompanied me to nude beaches in the UK but isn’t comfortable. She may enjoy it if there is a mixture of people on the beach.
      I agree with you though, if she doesn’t want to get naked then that’s fine. But it is nice to share wonderful experiences with your other half and I think she is missing out on such an experience.

      Reply
    • Is your wife interested in learning more about naturism or in hearing about the female perspective? The reason why we ask is that we are working on a new project about women in naturism. This will obviously be mostly something Lins will do. If we would create blog posts, videos, or even live chats about naturism for women, is that something your wife would be interested in?

      Reply
  6. It has been a difficult thing for me to do, to let my wife progress at her speed. (However, we’ll also admit that we both wish that we’d have done more a long time ago!) We’ve been “home nudists” all of our married life (36+ years) and we’ve had some fun nudist / naturist times together with just me and her. But only in the last year have we ventured further out into our (very private) back yard, and we’ve even gone to a couple of nudist resorts or campgrounds, and we’re even planning a trip some time to another resort. I -gently- nudge her along and get her to try a little more, and then a little more, and so far she’s gotten more and more comfortable with being “socially” nude.
    But, you’re right. The secret is to make her feel safe and to let her progress at her own speed. When we go to visit the neighbors, I usually remind her to look at our fence to try to see through it, or try to see past her flowers and plants and bushes. Once she sees it for herself that it’s safe, and that very likely no one will see her, then she’s much more likely to venture out there nude. When I showed her the Cypress Cove video and showed her that it was clothing OPTIONAL, she was much more interested in going with me. No stress, no surprises. That’s never a good idea!

    Reply
    • Is your wife interested in learning more about naturism or in hearing about the female perspective? The reason why we ask is that we are working on a new project about women in naturism. This will obviously be mostly something Lins will do. If we would create blog posts, videos, or even live chats about naturism for women, is that something your wife would be interested in?

      Reply
      • I’ll pas along this message to her! Thank you! I wonder if it would also be informative for other women who are not participating much, if at all, in naturism as well? I’ve been paying attention more and more to the disparity in the numbers of male / female naturists and I do wish that it was more in balance.

        Reply
        • Definitely. The idea would be to provide information for women who are naturists, who are curious about naturism, or who have no intention to get naked themselves but have a partner/friend/… who’s a naturist and just want to learn more about how it works.

          We’ve noticed that it’s very hard for women to ask their questions online. We saw some cases when a woman asks something like what to do when they’re in their period, and then 15 men answer. For those things, they don’t want the answer of a man… And then there are of course the many private messages they get, as soon as a woman openly asks something about naturism.

          Reply
  7. I can understand the joy of sharing naturism with another. The freedom to simply be your naked self in the presence of one you love is both a liberating and bonding opportunity. But like love, each arrives in their own way, in their own timing. To forfeit freewill in order to meet another’s expectations is diametrically opposed to the authenticity naturism offers. I agree. The story tells of a sorry mis-step for the couple, and a sad introduction to a beautiful way of being.

    Reply
  8. I think that the clothing optional scheme is a better strategy for places and venues to allow newcomers used to the idea of going fully nude later, actually is what I’ve experienced in Germany and the FFK concept, you wanna be naked? Be naked! Wanna keep your underwear? Ok! So everyone is comfortable the way they better suit them. Ok, I know, let’s not forget that a relaxed societal attitude towards nudity and the paired knowledge of bodies that’s gained from it since childhood contribute a lot, but it’s that ‘mind your own business’ mindset that will drive change.
    By the way, this whole thing made remember that French film, Les Textiles.

    Reply
    • We’ve noticed that this is really location dependent. As you mention, Germany has a relaxed attitude towards social nudity, and naturism has existed in this country for a very long time. People just got used to it. In other countries, the clothing-optional idea doesn’t really work because it attracts all the wrong people. Those who come to watch the naked people often don’t feel much for getting naked themselves, if it’s not a requirement, it only makes it much easier for them…

      Reply
  9. Even my wife is not a naturist, luckily I do not have to be a secret naturist, when I’ve been on television. Luckily, I don’t have to go shopping with him, it’s his hobby.
    Women have more appearance pressures when there are many points where there is either too much or too little. For men with only one point that is too small, for me and many others it doesn’t bother me.
    Here in Finland, the national naturist days have a male majority. There are quite a few couples. Only 5-7 women without a man.
    I don’t know how many wives block her husband from attending naturist events?
    At least one man has blocked his wife from attending naturist events. One woman in a neighboring town was an active naturist. He actively drove the naturist beach to town. When she remarried, the new man did not want to be a naturist, nor has a woman appeared at the events.

    Reply
    • This is also a topic that’s not much discussed. We also met several women who would love to be a naturist but were not allowed by their husband.

      Reply
  10. I think there is another couple where the man has stopped attending naturist events ??
    The woman was starring in a television program that she was by no means “in the closet”. The man didn’t really like it when a stranger sought his wife many times to dance during naturist days.

    Reply
  11. My wife has finally become comfortable with me not wearing clothes in the house. I’m working on her becoming comfortable being nude casually and not just for sex.

    Reply

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