5 Reasons Why Nudism is Nothing for You

What’s all that fuss about nudism lately? As soon as the sun starts to come out, pictures and videos of nude people are thrown into your face. Quality magazines like Lonely Planet are publishing articles about nude beaches. You went to the local swimming pool the other day and found out that it was a bathing suit prohibited for the afternoon. Instead, you decided to go to the beach, only to find out that there were nude people playing volleyball. The reflection of the sun on their white butts blinded your eyes, you stumbled back home and found your partner naked. Even your kids were playing nude in the garden.


A thought flashes through your mind: “Maybe I should try to join them?”. You briefly consider taking off your pants as well but then you think “what on earth am I doing?”. You are not a nudist. You’ve never been one and as far as you know you’ll probably never become one either.
We hear you.
As a backup, we’ll give you some reasons why you should never become a nudist.


WARNING: You might find some sarcasm and irony in this blog post. If you don’t find it, please read the post again.

You hate nature

Nudism equals naturism and naturism has the word nature in it. It’s simple as that, right? Why would you want nature in your spare time? You’re completely comfortable in your concrete jungle and the presence of trees and animals will only cause you stress. Sleeping in a tent with only some thin fabric between yourself and the outside world scares the living hell out of you. Not to mention those birds which wake you up at six in the morning.


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Even worse, just like ants, mosquitoes, and raccoons, the nudists have found their way towards your comfort zone. They escaped from their colonies deep in the woods and gathered just the other day at your swimming pool. Preventing yourself from a comfortable swim in a bathing suit. This has to stop. Now.

You hate petanque

The other day when you walked into your nude family at home, your partner called you narrow-minded for making such a big deal about it. You are not narrow-minded. In fact, you even went online in search of a documentary about nudism on Youtube. It only proved you right. You found this piece from 1984 and all those naked people were doing was lazing in the grass and playing petanque. How extremely boring must nudism be?


That one documentary said it all and there was no need to look any further. Nudism isn’t cool. Nudists will never do awesome things like bungee jumping or riding a roller coaster. Why would you even consider spending an afternoon with nudists playing petanque if you could be having a relaxed bike ride through Los Angeles?

You have an ugly body

Age has gotten its grip on you. In your mind, you’re still 27 but this morning in front of the mirror your body seemed to have just turned 72. Of course, this only happens to yourself. When you see all those beautiful people on the streets you can do nothing but wonder why you are stuck in this wrinkly potato bag.


In the outside world, you have your gadgets to hide behind. Some jewelry, some very expensive clothing, and of course your brand new fancy car. At nudist resorts or nude beaches, all of these will be taken away from you. The result: There will be an invasion of well-shaped bodies and you’ll be the joke of the day.

You’re too social

You are a real people person. It’s not always shown immediately but you do like to hang out with others and have a good chat. There is no way that such a thing is possible at a nudist resort. Come on, everybody is naked, how awkward must that be? How do you even look at a nude person? What do you even say to a naked person?
How do you compliment a naked person?
“Love what you’ve done with the hair down there Betty”.
“Gravity doesn’t seem to influence your balls, Bob”.


Then there are the eyes. When talking to a nude person your eyes will inevitably start following a path down and so will the eyes of the person in front of you. It will seem like it’s just your privates talking to each other. It will be weird. Decent conversations on eye-level will be hard to have, which is pretty annoying for a social person like yourself.

You don’t want your partner to see nude people

Let’s say someone is able to convince you to drop all your previous concerns and while you’re at it, your pants as well. Then there’s another factor. There are two of you. Greedy eyes will find your partner’s nude body. They will be everywhere, staring at what was once only yours to see.


And that’s of course not all of your worries. Your partner will see lots of other nude people as well! See their well shaped tight fitness bodies and then look back at that baggy saggy body of yours. Within minutes your partner will grab one of those nudist babes by the arm and disappear behind the horizon. While you’ll be sitting there weeping in a corner.

Let’s rewind

If you’re a nudist reading this article, you’ve probably already unfollowed us on Instagram, unsubscribed from our newsletter, and are getting ready to come over to give us a punch in the face. But please think about the little warning at the beginning of the article. Maybe you’ll even remember some of these “reasons” from your pre-nudist times?


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If you’re not a nudist (yet), many of these reasons might actually make complete sense to you. These are your worries and doubts. And maybe you’re also getting ready to kick our nude butts because we’ve been making fun of them (indeed, you did get the irony).
The reason for that is because for us, nudists, these reasons don’t make any sense at all. They’re all based on the prejudices that unfortunately still exist around nudism.


So let us clear this out for you.
You won’t be expected to sleep in the open air on an ant farm and neither are we going to ask you to spend your days doing boring stuff (if you don’t want to). You won’t have the saggiest body at the place and neither will you have the tightest one. You will have lots of chats and they won’t be as awkward as you think. And if you are certain that your partner will run off with the first babe in sight, then maybe you deserve someone better anyway.


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9 thoughts on “5 Reasons Why Nudism is Nothing for You”

  1. One more:
    People are ugly. Look around at your local mall or supermarket. Now imagine all those people naked. Ewww! All those droopy, flabby, hairy, pimply bits. That’s not fun to look at. Clothes keep all that covered with eye pleasing fabric & corporate logos so you can tell whether other people shop at the right stores.

  2. The interesting thing is , and i think ur missed that one, and im not being sacrastic or ironic or however its called that you did with this one , and thats .. and you know that this is coming from a non nudie , that non nudies trust me, wont ask these questions ..
    Ppl that go to beaches wont look any different being totaly nude, or in speedos, hence, the body thing as a “thing” cant be used as .. i know he thinks hes the only one with a beer belly .. that beer belly will be seen on a non nude beach as well ..
    9/10 non nudies ,that totaly dont know anything about nudism , will think about nudies just 2-3 things .. they are pervs that wanna have sex in public , they are pervs cause they are naked in front of kids, and maybe having sex in front of them as well or … , and i dont wanna see them or my kids to see them naked anywhere. (reminder, this is not how i call things/therms or see ,this is how an already described individual would think)
    Thats kinda about it pretty much , BUT ,theres another kind of non nudie , that knows som about it and that doesnt mind nudies, rather they do any of those stuff in the bracket or not, would think differently, and their/my no1 question or notunderstanding would be .. why , just why?
    I mean i know the answeres already, but they aint good enough for me to understand ,and they never will be.

    • Sir, this is the perfect post for me to ask: You identify yourself as “a non-nudie”, yet you comment on nearly every post on this site. Why is that? What is it about nudist or naturism that has you constantly commenting yet not participating? What is the attraction?

    • For one time we decided to leave the “pervert thing” out. Of course that’s also a concern of many non-naturists, but we think that this is slowly going away. Most people do realise what naturism really is and have more personal concerns instead.


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