As a little extra to this nightmare, this time at the nudist place you’ll be standing there butt naked. Oh the horror!
He might still take your lunch money though.
The Naked Chatty Guy
Some people don’t like the Naked Chatty Guy because he often acts as if the beach is his own. But then again he’s always the person who will make sure that everything runs smoothly and that everyone is having a good time.
Making nudist friends as a couple vs as a single
Tips for finding new naked friends
You could of course place yourself down on the nude beach or next to the swimming pool and wait for the Naked Chatty Guy to show up, but here are some other tips that will make it a lot easier to meet fellow nudists:
✅ Go over for a chat: Yep, simple as that. Small talk often works well at a nudist place and a simple introduction like “Hi, I’m Lins and it’s my first time at this place” can often result in a long conversation. Just make sure to pick a good moment. When people are busy putting up a tent or having a nap is often not such a moment.
✅ Ask for something: If you’re not that good in small talk, you could always ask a question. “Where are the toilets?”, “What time does the bar open” or “Who’s the Naked Chatty Guy in this place?” are all good openers.
✅ Join sports games: Nothing better to make new friends than to have them in your team. Check for any sports games that are happening and ask if you may join. Volleyball and petanque are very common at nude beaches and nudist resorts and some resorts offer lots of other sports options. Try to be honest about your league. If you say you’re a beginner at basketball and then slam dunk like Michael Jordan people may not immediately like you. Or vice versa.
✅ Sing karaoke: There are only two places in the world were karaoke is still a big thing: Asia and nudist resorts (interestingly, we’ve never seen karaoke in a nudist resort in Asia). Joining a karaoke evening is a great way to meet new people. It doesn’t really matter if you can sing or not. In fact, we’re both horrible singers and one time after a little too many cocktails we decided to sing “Hotel California” by the Eagles. We hadn’t really considered the 2 minute guitar solo in that song though and we can now tell you: 2 minutes of nude air guitar is very long! The good thing was that everybody had laughed their ass off and congratulated us afterwards.
✅ Join group dinners: Many nude resorts, especially the smaller ones, often organise a nude lunch or dinner. For them it’s a great way to get the group together and for you it’s an even better way to meet new people. When we celebrated Christmas Eve in El Refugio last year there was a Japanese guy at our table who spoke little to no English. And yet we had (some kind of) a conversation.
Tips for making everyone think you’re a creep
Some people are just better at striking up a conversation than others. We met a guy on a nude beach the other day who after his first visit already knew the names of the bartender, the guy who sells sun beds, the lifeguards, the massage lady and half of the other people on the beach. It’s something we’re envious of. If you’re not that smooth talking or if you want to be left alone and make sure that even the Naked Chatty Guy doesn’t come over, here are some tips for how not to make new friends:
✅ Be very pushy: Walk straight into someone’s comfort zone, stand very close to them, invite yourself into their tent, get a beer out of their fridge and say “Hey, I forgot my towel, you don’t mind if I place my sweaty butt on yours, do you?”
✅ Lots of awkward staring: Pick out your new best friend on the nude beach and just start staring at him. When he looks your way, you nod. The second time he looks, you wink. And when he looks more times you just smile in a creepy way.
✅ Take photos of others: Walk around with your phone in your hand and take photos of the scenery. Ask random nudists to pose for you. When people walk past you, you just follow them with your camera. This works like a charm, within minutes the whole place will think you’re a creep.
✅ Say lots of sexist things: That game of basketball is the perfect place to do so. “Not bad for a woman” is a classic, “Be a good girl and get me a beer” also works great. Others include “I hope you have the brains because you sure don’t have the balls” and “You’re probably single, right?”.
✅ Talk about other’s physical appearance: “You look great naked”, “your dick looks like the one of my ex”, “I love the way your boobs move when you throw a ball”, “I didn’t think you were that chubby”, “Wow guys, look at that girl’s butt!”, we can go on and on like this.